it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
