yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
