I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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