what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
