the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
