there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
