You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
