Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
