he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A bitchslap is in order.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
