You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
