Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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