Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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