Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
