please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
