"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think my vagina is haunted
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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