ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
