i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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