I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
