i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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