You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
