If that was your dad, he is hot
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
