I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
