I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
