What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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