if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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