At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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