I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
