He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
