4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
