I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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