i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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