btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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