I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
