I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
