I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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