If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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