I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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