you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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