You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
