Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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