ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
