after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
