so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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