Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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