i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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