and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
