I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
