she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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