So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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