her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
