So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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