Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
