I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
