Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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