I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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