Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is this the sara with the beer cane?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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