i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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