i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
