Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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