Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
