They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
