Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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