McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize