Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
