i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
