I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
