He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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