So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
