i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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